This speaks a lot about the Japanese quality standards and also cultural misunderstandings.
They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you."
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
March 8, 2011
Strange life signs found on meteorites
From this research, we can conclude that there's another form of life out there which is not being native to the earth. As an exo-planet apps user on iPhone, I have learnt quite a number of planet that was the earth type or super-earth type of which located within a livable radius from the star.
This study shows that microfossils similar to cyanobacteria - the blue-green algae which the pond scum living happily on the fractured inner of the meteorites surfaces. They contained carbon, which is a marker of the Earth-Type organism. It gives a clear hint that life is not restricted only on Earth.
In 1996, NASA scientist presented a research indicating a 4 billion year old meteorite found in Antarctica carried evidence of fossilized microbial from Mars.
All this made me wonder that how actually Dinosaurs exist in this world. It's weird that Dinosaurs were never found in Malaysia but it's all over the rest of the world. Maybe it's due to the small area of Malaysia.
Might it came through meteorite as well? My idea is that Dinosaurs might have not live in this world but they might have lived somewhere else but happened that their planet was having a big bang that all their corpse was scattered all over the place, including earth.
My idea was, if dinosaurs lived here, we should have been seeing a lot of their fossils around but we were just able to see one or two, not in numbers. Bones are non-biodegradable so we would still be able to see it even how long it was buried in the ground, it will still be there.
The idea of these bones would have degraded into petroleums is quite questionable as some are found but some aren't.
That's why I was thinking these Dinosaurs might have came through meteorites. And that's the reason why they are buried in the ground since meteorites that crashes to the earth will create a deep hole and causing these dinosaurs to be buried in as well.
The worse was then, I started to think that Ultraman might exist too.
This study shows that microfossils similar to cyanobacteria - the blue-green algae which the pond scum living happily on the fractured inner of the meteorites surfaces. They contained carbon, which is a marker of the Earth-Type organism. It gives a clear hint that life is not restricted only on Earth.
In 1996, NASA scientist presented a research indicating a 4 billion year old meteorite found in Antarctica carried evidence of fossilized microbial from Mars.
All this made me wonder that how actually Dinosaurs exist in this world. It's weird that Dinosaurs were never found in Malaysia but it's all over the rest of the world. Maybe it's due to the small area of Malaysia.
Might it came through meteorite as well? My idea is that Dinosaurs might have not live in this world but they might have lived somewhere else but happened that their planet was having a big bang that all their corpse was scattered all over the place, including earth.
My idea was, if dinosaurs lived here, we should have been seeing a lot of their fossils around but we were just able to see one or two, not in numbers. Bones are non-biodegradable so we would still be able to see it even how long it was buried in the ground, it will still be there.
The idea of these bones would have degraded into petroleums is quite questionable as some are found but some aren't.
That's why I was thinking these Dinosaurs might have came through meteorites. And that's the reason why they are buried in the ground since meteorites that crashes to the earth will create a deep hole and causing these dinosaurs to be buried in as well.
The worse was then, I started to think that Ultraman might exist too.
July 19, 2010
What would you need to be a boss?
taken from an email sent by a friend this morning.
.
.
.
When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be the boss.
The brain said "Since I control everything and do all the
thinking, I should be the boss"
The hand said, "Since I must do all the work and earn all the
money to keep the rest of you going, I should be boss"
The eyes said "Since I must look out for you all and tell you
where the danger lurks, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the Heart, the ears, the feet, the lungs,
etc. Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded to be the Boss.
All other parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being Boss.
The Asshole was so enraged that he blocked himself off and
refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and ached, the feet
were too weak, the hands hung limply at the side, the Heart and
lungs struggled to keep going. All pleaded with the Brain to let
the Asshole be the boss.
And so it happened. All the other parts did all the work and the
Asshole just bossed around and passed out a lot of shit.
Moral: You don't need a brain to be the boss. You just need to be an asshole.
.
.
.
When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be the boss.
The brain said "Since I control everything and do all the
thinking, I should be the boss"
The hand said, "Since I must do all the work and earn all the
money to keep the rest of you going, I should be boss"
The eyes said "Since I must look out for you all and tell you
where the danger lurks, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the Heart, the ears, the feet, the lungs,
etc. Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded to be the Boss.
All other parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being Boss.
The Asshole was so enraged that he blocked himself off and
refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and ached, the feet
were too weak, the hands hung limply at the side, the Heart and
lungs struggled to keep going. All pleaded with the Brain to let
the Asshole be the boss.
And so it happened. All the other parts did all the work and the
Asshole just bossed around and passed out a lot of shit.
Moral: You don't need a brain to be the boss. You just need to be an asshole.
August 21, 2009
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT ?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!
This will confuse your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it
HAHAHAHAHA!
This will confuse your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it
HAHAHAHAHA!
April 21, 2009
Jamban yang kurang ajar...
Kita semua tau, masalah terbesar di jamban ialah orang tak flush selepas pakai jamban. Maksud pakai tu bukanlah pakai macam pakai seluar, tapi macam kencing ke berak ke... Oleh kerana masalah itu, muncul lah ciptaan jamban flush sendiri yang menggunakan sensor. Kalau ada yang kencing tak flush pun dia akan flush sendiri. Bagus jugak kan? Sepatutnyalah....
Last weekend, saya balik ke JB sekejap, saja jalan-jalan get away from home. Hari Ahad, sempatlah saya ke City Square sekejap. Ingat KL aje ke yang ada City Square? Johor pun ada ma!! Lagi meriah! Ada cinema lagi.
Tapi masa kat sana, tiba2 saya sakit perut yang memulas2. Rasanya kena ke tandas ni. Masuklah satu tandas ni bayar 30 sen sahaja. Oklah. Masuk2 aje ada tandas menyangkung (biasalah orang kampung mesti nak berak sambil menyangkung kan?) yang kosong so saya pun masuklah.
Masuk2 aja dia flush! Ada automatic flush rupanya... Hehehe.. Baguslah at least tak perlulah saya nak siram air supaya tahi tu tak melekat nanti.. Nantikan, laju je tahi tu turun ke dalam lubang tu nanti.
Bukak seluar, saya pun menyangkunglah tunggu tahi tu datang. Masa tu sure la tak boleh duduk diam kan, kejap ke kiri kejap ke kanan supaya perut kita selesa.
Dalam masa gerak2 tu dia flush lagi. Gerak lagi flush lagi. Gerak lagi flush lagi. Eh. Asyik flush je benda ni. Rosak ke? Jenuh dia flush jamban tu. Tahi pun tak keluar lagi ni. Sensitif betul sensor flush tu. Gerak kepala dalam 2-3 CM pun dia dah flush. Tak ke membazir bil air dan bil api tu nanti? Tak cukup 30 sen tu rasanya.
Dalam lebih kurang 20 kali dia asyik flush aje (saya kira tau), yang ditunggu2 pun dah tiba. Saya sungguh concentrate masa tu tak gerak2 supaya tak diganggu dek flush tu. Nanti hilang fokus. Tak best.
*PooP*
Punyalah sedap melepas. Lama betul dia nak keluar. Mesti panjang giler ni. Saya pun agak penasaran nak melihat panjang mana atau besar mana tahi yang keluar sampai perut saya sakit yang amat2 sangat. Bila saya tunduk aje ke bawah...
*FLUSH*
Kurang ajar!!!! Tak sempat nak tengok!
* siap masa dah nak keluar pun dia sempat flush seround lagi...
Last weekend, saya balik ke JB sekejap, saja jalan-jalan get away from home. Hari Ahad, sempatlah saya ke City Square sekejap. Ingat KL aje ke yang ada City Square? Johor pun ada ma!! Lagi meriah! Ada cinema lagi.
Tapi masa kat sana, tiba2 saya sakit perut yang memulas2. Rasanya kena ke tandas ni. Masuklah satu tandas ni bayar 30 sen sahaja. Oklah. Masuk2 aje ada tandas menyangkung (biasalah orang kampung mesti nak berak sambil menyangkung kan?) yang kosong so saya pun masuklah.
Masuk2 aja dia flush! Ada automatic flush rupanya... Hehehe.. Baguslah at least tak perlulah saya nak siram air supaya tahi tu tak melekat nanti.. Nantikan, laju je tahi tu turun ke dalam lubang tu nanti.
Bukak seluar, saya pun menyangkunglah tunggu tahi tu datang. Masa tu sure la tak boleh duduk diam kan, kejap ke kiri kejap ke kanan supaya perut kita selesa.
Dalam masa gerak2 tu dia flush lagi. Gerak lagi flush lagi. Gerak lagi flush lagi. Eh. Asyik flush je benda ni. Rosak ke? Jenuh dia flush jamban tu. Tahi pun tak keluar lagi ni. Sensitif betul sensor flush tu. Gerak kepala dalam 2-3 CM pun dia dah flush. Tak ke membazir bil air dan bil api tu nanti? Tak cukup 30 sen tu rasanya.
Dalam lebih kurang 20 kali dia asyik flush aje (saya kira tau), yang ditunggu2 pun dah tiba. Saya sungguh concentrate masa tu tak gerak2 supaya tak diganggu dek flush tu. Nanti hilang fokus. Tak best.
*PooP*
Punyalah sedap melepas. Lama betul dia nak keluar. Mesti panjang giler ni. Saya pun agak penasaran nak melihat panjang mana atau besar mana tahi yang keluar sampai perut saya sakit yang amat2 sangat. Bila saya tunduk aje ke bawah...
*FLUSH*
Kurang ajar!!!! Tak sempat nak tengok!
* siap masa dah nak keluar pun dia sempat flush seround lagi...
August 29, 2008
Malaysia Today dot com
Allow me to write in MULTI language. Just feel like doing it today :p
1. Driving Nissan Frontier di KL sekarang memerlukan RM50 untuk 20 liter diesel sehari, sebab
3. The govt has lower the fuel price but still takut dengan bayang2 sendiri. Their fear towards DSAI is unspeakable, even the govt no 1's SIL is suspected to be having the meeting with DSAI in singapore.
4. Oleh sobab yang domikian, jalan2 kek KL maso2 macam ni agak membuang maso sobab eh tak nampak awek2 yang selalu keluar, antagho punco2 eh
1. Driving Nissan Frontier di KL sekarang memerlukan RM50 untuk 20 liter diesel sehari, sebab
a. Selalu hujan,2. Kasihan ama polisi2 yang bikin blokir itu, nggak kira siang atau malam, hujan atau panas, setia berdiri di sisi kon2 warna jingga ditemani flash light warna biru, walaupun hanya posing di situ menandakan kewujudan mereka di situ.
b. Road blocks banyak.
3. The govt has lower the fuel price but still takut dengan bayang2 sendiri. Their fear towards DSAI is unspeakable, even the govt no 1's SIL is suspected to be having the meeting with DSAI in singapore.
4. Oleh sobab yang domikian, jalan2 kek KL maso2 macam ni agak membuang maso sobab eh tak nampak awek2 yang selalu keluar, antagho punco2 eh
a. Awek2 pun mampuih nak bayar petrol (ado ko awek bawak kenderaan diesel?).5. Maleh la den nak nyambung.. Korang sambung lah sendiri. Curhat (curahan hati) ni sampai bila2 pun ga bisa selesai. Life is kinda dull eh nowadays? Kalau ado apo2 nak tambah, buleh tambah kek ruangan komen den. Kalau adooo lah...
b. Awek yang nak keluar naik bas pun naik maleh sobab bas2 skrg ni ghamai bonar yang menaik eh.
c. Awek2 yang keluar naik motor pun takut yo sobab orang naik motor pun luar biaso ramai eh.
d. Awek2 dah maleh nak shopping sobab nanti takdo duit nak bayar petrol.
e. Awek yang selalu eh pau pakwo eh nak keluar dating pun x keluar sobab balak eh pun bengkrap.
f. Awek2 yang takdo lesen memandu takut nak keluar sebab road block banyak gilo... kan?
g. Awek2 yang mentedaghah lombu pun tak boleh mentedaghah lombu sobab eh harga daging lombu dah maha... sobab MAHA baghu yo habih..
h. Awek2 ni kek mano sekolah eh den pun tak tau lahhh. Nak tengok budak sekolah pun susah sobab eh budak-budak sekarang ni pun dah jaghang lepak McD, omak apak eh dah tak bagi duik lobih. Kalau tak kek McD lopeh sekolah ponoh dongan budak2 sekolah. Sekarang ni toksah haghap la.. Kalau ado pun yang tak cun.
May 15, 2008
Woman mistook naked thief for husband
KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian woman woke up to a real-life nightmare, discovering that the naked man who had slipped into her bed in the middle of the night was a thief, not her husband, a newspaper said on Tuesday.
The 36-year-old housewife was asleep when the thief, noticing that her husband was fast asleep on the couch, quietly stripped off and lay down beside her, the Star newspaper said, quoting a police report filed in the eastern state of Terengganu.
The dozing woman's suspicions were raised when she spoke to him and his voice sounded strange, the paper said.
"She then went to another room and found her husband fast asleep on the couch. That's when she screamed, causing the thief to flee by leaping out the window together with the stolen items," it added.
Taken from Reuters
********************
* Hahaha... Imagine if this happen to you? Imagine if the thief even made love to the lady? Gosh! People, be careful out there. Dahla kena rompak, silap-silap bini kena belasah dengan perompak pulak.
The 36-year-old housewife was asleep when the thief, noticing that her husband was fast asleep on the couch, quietly stripped off and lay down beside her, the Star newspaper said, quoting a police report filed in the eastern state of Terengganu.
The dozing woman's suspicions were raised when she spoke to him and his voice sounded strange, the paper said.
"She then went to another room and found her husband fast asleep on the couch. That's when she screamed, causing the thief to flee by leaping out the window together with the stolen items," it added.
Taken from Reuters
********************
* Hahaha... Imagine if this happen to you? Imagine if the thief even made love to the lady? Gosh! People, be careful out there. Dahla kena rompak, silap-silap bini kena belasah dengan perompak pulak.
November 13, 2007
Man forgets car at gas station
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German man forgot his car after filling it up at a petrol station, police said Friday.
"He just forgot about it and walked off home," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Wuppertal.
After the car had sat blocking the pump for about an hour, a woman working at the petrol station became suspicious and alerted authorities.
Officers contacted the 63-year-old from Remscheid, who came straight back to fetch the vehicle. He had paid to fill up the car before walking off.
© Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.
******
Well, does similar things happened to us as well?
The reason why I tend to use my credit card at the gas station is because of a few happenings that I left the petrol station, without filling in the gas, after I paid for the gas at the counter.
(Malaysian system for cash payment at the gas stations is pay first then only you fill your gas tank)
There are also cases (especially at the watson, guardian and supermarkets) where I've forgotten to take the purchased items after paying. Especially at the watson, because they keep the item to themselves and only give it back to us after the payment and demagnetization of the item has completed.
Then suddenly people chasing me to return my purchased items.
Baikla diorang ni...
***************
A little bit on the BERSIH (la konon) demonstration last Saturday, in KL.
I'm very f*cking fed up with you people out there. I'm not in the 100% agreeing with the government also but I never bother other people's life!
If u wanna know, there were 2 LRT stations had to be shut down. There's a guy who cannot make it to the hospital as his Wife was giving birth! The traffic was jam-packed like hell in all over KL. There's a lot of transportation delay as the demonstration does effect Puduraya. A lot of students stranded at the puduraya because of this protest.
And a friend of mine who opened a shop nearby the Masjid Jamek area scared like apig as his shop's glasses was thrown with stones and broken.
If someone was dying and badly need to be sent to the hospital badly, what would happened?
Itu baru sikit.. Mana pergi otak orang2 dalam BERSIH ni? Kenapa tak habis2 menyusahkan hidup orang lain?
Moral : Nasib baik gua tak pegi KL.
"He just forgot about it and walked off home," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Wuppertal.
After the car had sat blocking the pump for about an hour, a woman working at the petrol station became suspicious and alerted authorities.
Officers contacted the 63-year-old from Remscheid, who came straight back to fetch the vehicle. He had paid to fill up the car before walking off.
© Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.
******
Well, does similar things happened to us as well?
The reason why I tend to use my credit card at the gas station is because of a few happenings that I left the petrol station, without filling in the gas, after I paid for the gas at the counter.
(Malaysian system for cash payment at the gas stations is pay first then only you fill your gas tank)
There are also cases (especially at the watson, guardian and supermarkets) where I've forgotten to take the purchased items after paying. Especially at the watson, because they keep the item to themselves and only give it back to us after the payment and demagnetization of the item has completed.
Then suddenly people chasing me to return my purchased items.
Baikla diorang ni...
***************
A little bit on the BERSIH (la konon) demonstration last Saturday, in KL.
I'm very f*cking fed up with you people out there. I'm not in the 100% agreeing with the government also but I never bother other people's life!
If u wanna know, there were 2 LRT stations had to be shut down. There's a guy who cannot make it to the hospital as his Wife was giving birth! The traffic was jam-packed like hell in all over KL. There's a lot of transportation delay as the demonstration does effect Puduraya. A lot of students stranded at the puduraya because of this protest.
And a friend of mine who opened a shop nearby the Masjid Jamek area scared like apig as his shop's glasses was thrown with stones and broken.
If someone was dying and badly need to be sent to the hospital badly, what would happened?
Itu baru sikit.. Mana pergi otak orang2 dalam BERSIH ni? Kenapa tak habis2 menyusahkan hidup orang lain?
Moral : Nasib baik gua tak pegi KL.
November 12, 2007
Pengantin Tension
Have u guys seen these strips? Click on the pictures to enLARGE!
(original pictures were taken from some other places. I put them into strips.)
Moral of the story - DO NOT INVITE CELEBRITIES TO YOUR WEDDING!
(original pictures were taken from some other places. I put them into strips.)
Moral of the story - DO NOT INVITE CELEBRITIES TO YOUR WEDDING!
October 23, 2007
A phone call from an ex.
Hello.. hi... lu sapa? owh sape-sape jela ek.. hehehe.. how are you? u horny huh?
Oh what really? U missed me? U missed me or u miss something else? Hehehe..
I missed you so much too. But I think i lied la.. I never missed you one. I missed you only when i cannot sleep at night time hahahahahaha..
Don't take it so hard eh, u know i always gurau-gurau with you. that's why last time i thought u were joking when you asked for break off.
It was right ghopenya.. takpola.. apo nak buek an.
I actually have been expecting your call long time ago but ok la, at least you call.. Goodla. Now i have your phone number already hahaha. Oh really? Haiyo, private number kah.. haiyaaaaa...! Then how do i make booty call to u?
Oh you know right I've been selling cattle meat on the 2nd and last day of puasa and managed to sell off everything. Got some ong and untung and can pay the kids wages. Eh not kids la.. my cousin and my bro in lawyer only.. eh in law.. silap..
Yeah, one cattle on the first day, 2 cattles on the next day. One little two little three little cattle.. hei apada.. Amazingly, i managed to finish 2 cattles in 2 hours without anyone realizing it. Time is so fast. My car is slow la. Must upgrade a lil bit.
And I managed to complete my puasa, Alhamdulillah. Not like last year, not only that we're so in loss, i missed 2 days of fasting. But I know you must have not been puasa-ing for at least 7 days la. U wanna bet? What 14 days? Hahaha. U mampus la to replace.
Oh yeah, my cousin afiq and my brother in Law, dak Pai helped me with the cattle selling. And better, we managed to reach kampung by 6PM and I managed to go to Giant to buy some nice drinks. You know what, it's really hard to find Justea in packs nowadays. I'm just so lucky to get the last pack, and better, we're rewarded with 2 free packs of justea. hehe.. U like justea right? I know last time u went sakit perut after getting drunk with Justea. Told ya already, justea haram hahaha.. only to you because u get drunk with justea.
Ha, my bro in law also got lobang you know. Err.. Yeah i know that lobang. I also got. Not that lobang for pooping la, lobang to get cheap fireworks and firecrackers. After 30 years of living.. eh oooooppppsss 30 already hahaha.. kantoi kantoi..
So for the first time in my life, I lighted up tat KLCC-like fireworks. Wah I was really like a beruk! Because I was terperanjat beruk loking how amazing that I can light that kind of firecracker myself. A lot of beruk turned human as they terperanjat manusia. Hahaha..
Bodoh la u.. itu pun u nak percaya ka? I lied ma. Of coursela i lied. What? U think I'm so honest with you mah?
Eh who says I called you during Raya night? I went out with all my cousins and in laws to Takbir from house to house. I didn't even bother to answer any calls pun. Who did call u then? Not me of course!
Eh, how come u claim i see you on raya night? U crazy beruk! I was in kampung la.
Who say I didn't pay your money? Last time it was you who borrowed my money to buy that stupid car. Now who hutang who?
What? U told me u're not a lesbian anymore but who was that tomboy sitting on you naked when I entered your house last time? U're fucking horny beruk! With a girl also can jalan....
Huh? Who are you? Hahahahaha...
Bye
* Wrong number.. boleh?
Oh what really? U missed me? U missed me or u miss something else? Hehehe..
I missed you so much too. But I think i lied la.. I never missed you one. I missed you only when i cannot sleep at night time hahahahahaha..
Don't take it so hard eh, u know i always gurau-gurau with you. that's why last time i thought u were joking when you asked for break off.
It was right ghopenya.. takpola.. apo nak buek an.
I actually have been expecting your call long time ago but ok la, at least you call.. Goodla. Now i have your phone number already hahaha. Oh really? Haiyo, private number kah.. haiyaaaaa...! Then how do i make booty call to u?
Oh you know right I've been selling cattle meat on the 2nd and last day of puasa and managed to sell off everything. Got some ong and untung and can pay the kids wages. Eh not kids la.. my cousin and my bro in lawyer only.. eh in law.. silap..
Yeah, one cattle on the first day, 2 cattles on the next day. One little two little three little cattle.. hei apada.. Amazingly, i managed to finish 2 cattles in 2 hours without anyone realizing it. Time is so fast. My car is slow la. Must upgrade a lil bit.
And I managed to complete my puasa, Alhamdulillah. Not like last year, not only that we're so in loss, i missed 2 days of fasting. But I know you must have not been puasa-ing for at least 7 days la. U wanna bet? What 14 days? Hahaha. U mampus la to replace.
Oh yeah, my cousin afiq and my brother in Law, dak Pai helped me with the cattle selling. And better, we managed to reach kampung by 6PM and I managed to go to Giant to buy some nice drinks. You know what, it's really hard to find Justea in packs nowadays. I'm just so lucky to get the last pack, and better, we're rewarded with 2 free packs of justea. hehe.. U like justea right? I know last time u went sakit perut after getting drunk with Justea. Told ya already, justea haram hahaha.. only to you because u get drunk with justea.
Ha, my bro in law also got lobang you know. Err.. Yeah i know that lobang. I also got. Not that lobang for pooping la, lobang to get cheap fireworks and firecrackers. After 30 years of living.. eh oooooppppsss 30 already hahaha.. kantoi kantoi..
So for the first time in my life, I lighted up tat KLCC-like fireworks. Wah I was really like a beruk! Because I was terperanjat beruk loking how amazing that I can light that kind of firecracker myself. A lot of beruk turned human as they terperanjat manusia. Hahaha..
Bodoh la u.. itu pun u nak percaya ka? I lied ma. Of coursela i lied. What? U think I'm so honest with you mah?
Eh who says I called you during Raya night? I went out with all my cousins and in laws to Takbir from house to house. I didn't even bother to answer any calls pun. Who did call u then? Not me of course!
Eh, how come u claim i see you on raya night? U crazy beruk! I was in kampung la.
Who say I didn't pay your money? Last time it was you who borrowed my money to buy that stupid car. Now who hutang who?
What? U told me u're not a lesbian anymore but who was that tomboy sitting on you naked when I entered your house last time? U're fucking horny beruk! With a girl also can jalan....
Huh? Who are you? Hahahahaha...
Bye
* Wrong number.. boleh?
September 20, 2007
Malay Entry :: Memendam Rasa.
Hari ni aku sangat emo.
Bukan Nemo ok..
Apa taknya. Tiap-tiap hari aku terpaksa memendam rasa dengan orang sekeliling. Maksud aku tu dengan orang yang duduk kat uda ni la. Duduk tu bukan la duduk atas kerusi tapi maksudnya menetap la.
Bulan Ramadhan adalah sangat kebulanan yang kemencabaran kesabaranan aku. Walaupun Ramadhan tu hanyalah sekadar nama salah satu daripada bulan yang ada dalam tahun hijrah Islam, Ramadhan adalah nama salah seorang sepupu aku yang pinjam duit tapi belum bayar. Tapi takdela pulak sepupu aku yang nama dia syawal.
Selain dari mencabar keimanan untuk menahan diri daripada makan dan minum sewaktu memandu di waktu panas terik, banyak sangat dugaan yang aku alami sepanjang hari di Bulan Ramadhan tahun ini kerana Allah Taala. Ha korang baca niat puasa tak malam tadi?
Bangun pagi aje dah kena layan traffic jam. Budak-budak pergi sekolah awal giler konon nak balik cepat la pasal puasa kan, tapi banyak jugak aku tengok budak-budak hisap rokok. Kalau makan minum tu ada la maaf lagi kan.
Pastu tengahari pun layan jam lagi pasal budak2 sekolah pagi balik awal. Apa diorang berbuka puasa waktu tengahari ke? Pastu layan jam budak nak masuk sekolah petang pulak. Nature kerja aku pulak membuatkan aku selalu terkena kat tempat-tempat yang jam tu. Kalau jam tu boleh makan dengan roti boleh la jugak.
Bandar Baru Uda, takdela besar sangat tapi boleh dia buat DUA (2) pasar Ramadhan. Giler betul. Dahla pasar dia dekat-dekat pulak tu. Jalan kaki 10 minit dah boleh sampai Pasar Ramadhan satu lagi.
Layan kesesakan lalu lintas lagi. Lalu lintas maksudnya ialah lalu lalang dan melintas jalan. Lalu lalang tu pulak maksud dia lalu dalam lalang. Kalau lalang tu ada duri boleh la pijak duri dia. Boleh merasa duri lalang tembus kat kaki dan berdarah, pastu boleh la melawat doktor dan mintak MC. Esok takyah puasa yahooo!
Lintas pulak ialah sejenis spesis ulat yang macam lintah. Kalau lintah hisap darah, lintas hisap jalan. Kerja dia asyik ulang-alik dari seberang sini ke seberang sana, macam melintas la. Dari situla wujudnya perkataan lintas ni.
Disebabkan ada 2 pasar Ramadhan, baik dok rumah ajela kalau dah pukol 5 petang.
Nasib baik takde budak main Futsal depan rumah, kalau tak masya allah. Cuba korang bayangkan nenek korang sepak bola ke pintu grill rumah korang berkali-kali. Begitulah perasaannya bila budak-budak tu bermain bola. Dia cover pakai pagar besi je... Bodos...
Pastu, dah nak masuk Isyak, diorang bantai main mercun pulak. Korang tau tak asal usul mercun ni. Ah tak payah la cerita..
Mementang la depan rumah aku tu playground, diorang bantai main mercun memekak macam main combat-combat kolonel saunders. siot betul.
Pastu pergi masjid, satu hal pulak lagi.
Tadi lepas semayang tarawih, aku pun keluar. tengok-tengok selipar aku dah takde di tempatnya tapi kat sebelah tempat yang aku letak tu, ada satu selipar yang sama spesis dengan aku punya. Aku pun sarung ajela.
Tiba-tiba ada pakcik tu sound aku.
"Tu selipar tu saya punya tu...."
Lepastu dia siap secure kan semua selipar ahli keluarga dia, macam aku ni nak curi selipar-selipar diorang tu. Agak humuliated la jugak tapi dia memang tak tau cerita so takpelah..
Cari punya carik, ada kat somewhere else, very good condition lagi tapi yang aku tak tahan tu siap basah sandal tu. Aku pun tak basahkan.
Tension aku. Dah la orang ingat aku nak mencuri selipar dia. Sure dalam kereta nanti dia bagitau anak bini dia.
"Kalau abah tak selamatkan selipar-selipar korang tadi, sure hilang. Tadi ada pencuri nak curi selipar abah. Nasib baik abah cepat."
Dah lepas ni kalau jumpa dia kat masjid, dia cap aku pencuri pulak. Siotttt...
Bukan Nemo ok..
Apa taknya. Tiap-tiap hari aku terpaksa memendam rasa dengan orang sekeliling. Maksud aku tu dengan orang yang duduk kat uda ni la. Duduk tu bukan la duduk atas kerusi tapi maksudnya menetap la.
Bulan Ramadhan adalah sangat kebulanan yang kemencabaran kesabaranan aku. Walaupun Ramadhan tu hanyalah sekadar nama salah satu daripada bulan yang ada dalam tahun hijrah Islam, Ramadhan adalah nama salah seorang sepupu aku yang pinjam duit tapi belum bayar. Tapi takdela pulak sepupu aku yang nama dia syawal.
Selain dari mencabar keimanan untuk menahan diri daripada makan dan minum sewaktu memandu di waktu panas terik, banyak sangat dugaan yang aku alami sepanjang hari di Bulan Ramadhan tahun ini kerana Allah Taala. Ha korang baca niat puasa tak malam tadi?
Bangun pagi aje dah kena layan traffic jam. Budak-budak pergi sekolah awal giler konon nak balik cepat la pasal puasa kan, tapi banyak jugak aku tengok budak-budak hisap rokok. Kalau makan minum tu ada la maaf lagi kan.
Pastu tengahari pun layan jam lagi pasal budak2 sekolah pagi balik awal. Apa diorang berbuka puasa waktu tengahari ke? Pastu layan jam budak nak masuk sekolah petang pulak. Nature kerja aku pulak membuatkan aku selalu terkena kat tempat-tempat yang jam tu. Kalau jam tu boleh makan dengan roti boleh la jugak.
Bandar Baru Uda, takdela besar sangat tapi boleh dia buat DUA (2) pasar Ramadhan. Giler betul. Dahla pasar dia dekat-dekat pulak tu. Jalan kaki 10 minit dah boleh sampai Pasar Ramadhan satu lagi.
Layan kesesakan lalu lintas lagi. Lalu lintas maksudnya ialah lalu lalang dan melintas jalan. Lalu lalang tu pulak maksud dia lalu dalam lalang. Kalau lalang tu ada duri boleh la pijak duri dia. Boleh merasa duri lalang tembus kat kaki dan berdarah, pastu boleh la melawat doktor dan mintak MC. Esok takyah puasa yahooo!
Lintas pulak ialah sejenis spesis ulat yang macam lintah. Kalau lintah hisap darah, lintas hisap jalan. Kerja dia asyik ulang-alik dari seberang sini ke seberang sana, macam melintas la. Dari situla wujudnya perkataan lintas ni.
Disebabkan ada 2 pasar Ramadhan, baik dok rumah ajela kalau dah pukol 5 petang.
Nasib baik takde budak main Futsal depan rumah, kalau tak masya allah. Cuba korang bayangkan nenek korang sepak bola ke pintu grill rumah korang berkali-kali. Begitulah perasaannya bila budak-budak tu bermain bola. Dia cover pakai pagar besi je... Bodos...
Pastu, dah nak masuk Isyak, diorang bantai main mercun pulak. Korang tau tak asal usul mercun ni. Ah tak payah la cerita..
Mementang la depan rumah aku tu playground, diorang bantai main mercun memekak macam main combat-combat kolonel saunders. siot betul.
Pastu pergi masjid, satu hal pulak lagi.
Tadi lepas semayang tarawih, aku pun keluar. tengok-tengok selipar aku dah takde di tempatnya tapi kat sebelah tempat yang aku letak tu, ada satu selipar yang sama spesis dengan aku punya. Aku pun sarung ajela.
Tiba-tiba ada pakcik tu sound aku.
"Tu selipar tu saya punya tu...."
Lepastu dia siap secure kan semua selipar ahli keluarga dia, macam aku ni nak curi selipar-selipar diorang tu. Agak humuliated la jugak tapi dia memang tak tau cerita so takpelah..
Cari punya carik, ada kat somewhere else, very good condition lagi tapi yang aku tak tahan tu siap basah sandal tu. Aku pun tak basahkan.
Tension aku. Dah la orang ingat aku nak mencuri selipar dia. Sure dalam kereta nanti dia bagitau anak bini dia.
"Kalau abah tak selamatkan selipar-selipar korang tadi, sure hilang. Tadi ada pencuri nak curi selipar abah. Nasib baik abah cepat."
Dah lepas ni kalau jumpa dia kat masjid, dia cap aku pencuri pulak. Siotttt...
July 31, 2007
Jadahnyerrr? Hahahahaha!
I've got this email from a friend.. babi betulla.. hahahahahaha
********************
" Cik Ramlee, huruf apakah huruf ini ? Dia atas tanah, ada ekor, dan ada satu mata di tengah tengah "
" Matanya ada satu saja ya cikgu ? Ada ekor ? Atas tanah ? Huruf mambang tanah ! "
" Mambang tanah !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Yang ini bukan mambang tanah Cik Ramlee, ini huruf Jim ! "
" Jin ? Eh .. jin dengan mambang kan tak jauh "
" Jin dengan mambang !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Dah ! Aaa .. Cik Ajis, huruf apakah huruf ini, huruf ini sama dengan huruf jim, tapi tak ada matanya saja. "
" Oooo .. dia tak ada mata ? Sama sama jin ? Ooo .. jin mata buta la cikgu. "
" Mata buta !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Yang ini bukan jin mata buta Cik Ajis ... Yang ini huruf Ha ! Aa.. sekarang Cik Sudin pulak .. "
" Saya, cikgu "
" Aa.. kenal tak dengan huruf ini ? "
" Saya kenal cikgu "
" Huruf ini sama dengan huruf Jim, huruf Jim matanya di tengah-tengah tetapi huruf ini matanya di atas. "
" Aa.. Jim ini matanya di tengah-tengah, Jim ini mata di atas cikgu... Jin pakai toncet ! "
" Toncet?! Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Pak Abu tu ketawa terlalu banyak sangat "
" Cikgu ... "
" Aa.. cepat, sekarang Pak Abu pulak. "
" Yang mana ? "
" Yang ini ... "
" Oh, ni saya kenal, saya tahu ni.. huruf ini kan huruf - M "
" Itulah jangan suka ketawakan orang. Yang ini bukan huruf M, yang ini huruf Kha ! "
" Huruf Khaaa ? "
" Hahhahhahhahahha .... Hahahahhahahaha .....
Cuba sebut sket? hehehehehehe..
itu bunyinya KHUALAN bkn Jualan
Nangis babi aku tengok lawak ni hahahaha..
********************
" Cik Ramlee, huruf apakah huruf ini ? Dia atas tanah, ada ekor, dan ada satu mata di tengah tengah " " Matanya ada satu saja ya cikgu ? Ada ekor ? Atas tanah ? Huruf mambang tanah ! "
" Mambang tanah !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Yang ini bukan mambang tanah Cik Ramlee, ini huruf Jim ! "
" Jin ? Eh .. jin dengan mambang kan tak jauh "
" Jin dengan mambang !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Dah ! Aaa .. Cik Ajis, huruf apakah huruf ini, huruf ini sama dengan huruf jim, tapi tak ada matanya saja. "
" Oooo .. dia tak ada mata ? Sama sama jin ? Ooo .. jin mata buta la cikgu. "
" Mata buta !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Yang ini bukan jin mata buta Cik Ajis ... Yang ini huruf Ha ! Aa.. sekarang Cik Sudin pulak .. "
" Saya, cikgu "
" Aa.. kenal tak dengan huruf ini ? "
" Saya kenal cikgu "
" Huruf ini sama dengan huruf Jim, huruf Jim matanya di tengah-tengah tetapi huruf ini matanya di atas. "
" Aa.. Jim ini matanya di tengah-tengah, Jim ini mata di atas cikgu... Jin pakai toncet ! "
" Toncet?! Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "
" Pak Abu tu ketawa terlalu banyak sangat "
" Cikgu ... "
" Aa.. cepat, sekarang Pak Abu pulak. "
" Yang mana ? "
" Yang ini ... "
" Oh, ni saya kenal, saya tahu ni.. huruf ini kan huruf - M "
" Itulah jangan suka ketawakan orang. Yang ini bukan huruf M, yang ini huruf Kha ! "
" Huruf Khaaa ? "
" Hahhahhahhahahha .... Hahahahhahahaha .....
Cuba sebut sket? hehehehehehe..
itu bunyinya KHUALAN bkn Jualan
Nangis babi aku tengok lawak ni hahahaha..
March 14, 2007
Adakah saya seorang yang hina?
Saya sudah penat menjadi seorang yang keji. Saya sudah beberapa kali menjadi seorang yang maha keji sejak saya lahir. Nasib baik saya belum jadi babi. Saya boleh menjadi babi jika saya mahu tapi sudah tentu babi tidak suka saya menjadi babi sebab sure dia takleh cari makan punya lepas ni. Tapi saya takleh bayangkan saya dihina dengan keji. Sioooooooot!
Saya juga cuba menjadi monyet. Saya suka panggil adik saya si Farah itu monyet. Keji tak? Keji tak? Tapi memang best kalau perempuan semua macam monyet. Ada je idea gua nak usik orang yang dipanggil monyet. Melintas jalan beramai-ramai macam monyet pun boleh. Buat bunyik monyet pun boleh. Menggaru2 kepala macam monyet pun boleh. Saya ni memang keji dan berbakat dalam hal-hal membuli orang atau monyet. Jika ada yang lebih power, sila tunjuk ajar.
Sebenarnya, bagus jadi monyet ni korang tau tak? Sebab2nya;
1. Monyet kuat sex. Anggaran 100x sehari. Bawah kereta pun jadik. Keji giler.
2. Kalau takut aje dia panjat pokok. Kalau dia nampak babi pun dia lari panjat pokok. Takyah susah-susah beli rumah, perabot dan pasang astro. Kalau nak tengok citer blue, tengok aje monyet2 lain main. LIVE!
3. Takyah susah2 nak pakai baju. Takyah bagi duit beli kasut atau baju. Nak main pun senang.
4. Nak makan, langgar aje kebun orang kampung. Lumayan. Kalau untung boleh dapat ubi. Nak lagi untung boleh dapat pisang. Takde pisang, nenas pun berguna! Takde nenas, serai aku pun dia belasah!!! Habis serai aku! Keji ahhhh!!!! Tolong...!
5. Anak seratus pun takpe. Sebab tak payah pegi sekolah. So takyah beli baju sekolah, buku sekolah dan takyah bayar tambang bas/van atau buku sekolah.
6. Tak payah kerja. Hehehe. Nak main anytime. Tido pun anytime.
Gue dah malas fikir apa nak tulis lagi. Reason2 dia merapu2 aje.
Sebab apa saya telah dihina dengan kejinya ala-ala cipan gitu? Sebab saya telah terkena dengan kawan saya. Siot punya kawan perempuan. Kentut bau air battery + jus markisa + telur orang utan!
Sebabnya, masa tu dia sedang sakit perut nak berak. Sebagai seorang wanita melayu yang control ayu tapi tak jelita langsung dan memakai tudung, surelah dia control giler sambil memberitahu saya semasa di kedai buku itu yang dia nak balik sekarang tanpa memberitahu apakah yang sebenarnya going on. Tapi bila tengok dia pegang2 perut tu, hari nurani saya yang mulia, murni dan suci bersih itu telah dapat mengagak yang wanita keji itu mahu ke tandas, whether period pain or to berak!
Sebagai seorang manusia yang adil dan saksama tetapi pada masa yang sama kejam dan keji serta bersahabat dengan tenggiling, saya pun berlari2 untuk cepat ke tandas demi menjaga hati, jiwa dan perasaan gadis yang nak berak itu. Dia punyalah berjalan dengan perlahannya sambil berkata dengan controlnya,
"pelan-pelan la sikit, tau la nak berak".
Aik, sape yang nak berak ni? Punyala saya berlari dan tunggu dia berjalan slow2 dalam lift, kononnya nak cepat la ni. Tenggiling pun kalah dengan kelajuan saya. Bleh dia cakap macam tu? Kami pun masuk ke dalam lift. Tapi aku pun pelik, apsal awek aje semua dalam lift tu. Rezeki la ni kot..! Hahahahahaha...!
Tiba2 ada bunyik angin macam bunyik angin keluar dari belon yang tengah deflate, yang sungguh kuat memecah kebuntuan lift! Pret!
Sah! Dia kentut. Tapi yang hinanya...
"Patutla lari2 nak masuk lift. Nak kentut rupanya mamat ni. Muka je hemsem", kata seekor gajah kat dalam lift tu. Siot!
Aku pulak yang kena tuduh. Awek2 lain yang ada antaranya agak cun, ada jugak yang gemuk macam gajah, semua tengok aku sambil tutup hidung dengan jari. Gajah itu adalah awek yang gemok macam gajah itulah.
Pastinya aku merasa sungguh si*l sekali. Babi pun tak pernah kena hina macam ni. Adakah saya patut mendedahkan perkara yang sebenarnya? Saya belum sekeji itu lagi.
Awek keji yang kentut itu berjalan keluar lift buat muka tak tau, sambil meninggalkan satu lagi bau kentut di dalam lift yang penuh dengan orang dan gajah seekor. Gajah tu keji sebab muka dia sebijik macam muka gajah tercekik tebu masa saya nak keluar dari lift itu. Nasib baik babi baru tercekik bijik nangka. Teruk jugak tu.
Semua orang pekup hidung sambil buat muka orang jepun tertelan bijik durian sambil pandang kat gua.
Tak puas hati beb. Takpe kau. Aku ingat!!!!
* She's not my girlfriend lah. Awek ini adalah seorang kakak kerani yang jaga tender di sebuah govt. department. I took her our for lunch. So actually guys, every girls deserved to be called awek. Even though she's as old as 49, like this kakak. So it's just another story I'm sharing, for you to laugh at it. Ok?
Saya juga cuba menjadi monyet. Saya suka panggil adik saya si Farah itu monyet. Keji tak? Keji tak? Tapi memang best kalau perempuan semua macam monyet. Ada je idea gua nak usik orang yang dipanggil monyet. Melintas jalan beramai-ramai macam monyet pun boleh. Buat bunyik monyet pun boleh. Menggaru2 kepala macam monyet pun boleh. Saya ni memang keji dan berbakat dalam hal-hal membuli orang atau monyet. Jika ada yang lebih power, sila tunjuk ajar.
Sebenarnya, bagus jadi monyet ni korang tau tak? Sebab2nya;
1. Monyet kuat sex. Anggaran 100x sehari. Bawah kereta pun jadik. Keji giler.
2. Kalau takut aje dia panjat pokok. Kalau dia nampak babi pun dia lari panjat pokok. Takyah susah-susah beli rumah, perabot dan pasang astro. Kalau nak tengok citer blue, tengok aje monyet2 lain main. LIVE!
3. Takyah susah2 nak pakai baju. Takyah bagi duit beli kasut atau baju. Nak main pun senang.
4. Nak makan, langgar aje kebun orang kampung. Lumayan. Kalau untung boleh dapat ubi. Nak lagi untung boleh dapat pisang. Takde pisang, nenas pun berguna! Takde nenas, serai aku pun dia belasah!!! Habis serai aku! Keji ahhhh!!!! Tolong...!
5. Anak seratus pun takpe. Sebab tak payah pegi sekolah. So takyah beli baju sekolah, buku sekolah dan takyah bayar tambang bas/van atau buku sekolah.
6. Tak payah kerja. Hehehe. Nak main anytime. Tido pun anytime.
Gue dah malas fikir apa nak tulis lagi. Reason2 dia merapu2 aje.
Sebab apa saya telah dihina dengan kejinya ala-ala cipan gitu? Sebab saya telah terkena dengan kawan saya. Siot punya kawan perempuan. Kentut bau air battery + jus markisa + telur orang utan!
Sebabnya, masa tu dia sedang sakit perut nak berak. Sebagai seorang wanita melayu yang control ayu tapi tak jelita langsung dan memakai tudung, surelah dia control giler sambil memberitahu saya semasa di kedai buku itu yang dia nak balik sekarang tanpa memberitahu apakah yang sebenarnya going on. Tapi bila tengok dia pegang2 perut tu, hari nurani saya yang mulia, murni dan suci bersih itu telah dapat mengagak yang wanita keji itu mahu ke tandas, whether period pain or to berak!
Sebagai seorang manusia yang adil dan saksama tetapi pada masa yang sama kejam dan keji serta bersahabat dengan tenggiling, saya pun berlari2 untuk cepat ke tandas demi menjaga hati, jiwa dan perasaan gadis yang nak berak itu. Dia punyalah berjalan dengan perlahannya sambil berkata dengan controlnya,
"pelan-pelan la sikit, tau la nak berak".
Aik, sape yang nak berak ni? Punyala saya berlari dan tunggu dia berjalan slow2 dalam lift, kononnya nak cepat la ni. Tenggiling pun kalah dengan kelajuan saya. Bleh dia cakap macam tu? Kami pun masuk ke dalam lift. Tapi aku pun pelik, apsal awek aje semua dalam lift tu. Rezeki la ni kot..! Hahahahahaha...!
Tiba2 ada bunyik angin macam bunyik angin keluar dari belon yang tengah deflate, yang sungguh kuat memecah kebuntuan lift! Pret!
Sah! Dia kentut. Tapi yang hinanya...
"Patutla lari2 nak masuk lift. Nak kentut rupanya mamat ni. Muka je hemsem", kata seekor gajah kat dalam lift tu. Siot!
Aku pulak yang kena tuduh. Awek2 lain yang ada antaranya agak cun, ada jugak yang gemuk macam gajah, semua tengok aku sambil tutup hidung dengan jari. Gajah itu adalah awek yang gemok macam gajah itulah.
Pastinya aku merasa sungguh si*l sekali. Babi pun tak pernah kena hina macam ni. Adakah saya patut mendedahkan perkara yang sebenarnya? Saya belum sekeji itu lagi.
Awek keji yang kentut itu berjalan keluar lift buat muka tak tau, sambil meninggalkan satu lagi bau kentut di dalam lift yang penuh dengan orang dan gajah seekor. Gajah tu keji sebab muka dia sebijik macam muka gajah tercekik tebu masa saya nak keluar dari lift itu. Nasib baik babi baru tercekik bijik nangka. Teruk jugak tu.
Semua orang pekup hidung sambil buat muka orang jepun tertelan bijik durian sambil pandang kat gua.
Tak puas hati beb. Takpe kau. Aku ingat!!!!
* She's not my girlfriend lah. Awek ini adalah seorang kakak kerani yang jaga tender di sebuah govt. department. I took her our for lunch. So actually guys, every girls deserved to be called awek. Even though she's as old as 49, like this kakak. So it's just another story I'm sharing, for you to laugh at it. Ok?
March 9, 2007
JB hari ini..
Saya bangun agak lewat hari ni. Memang lewat sangatlah. Sebabnya, saya rasa badan saya sakit-sakit. Sakit apa tak tau lah saya. Tapi memang sakit lah. Kalau nak tolehkan kepala ke kanan rasa macam nak putus urat kat tengkuk tu. Tapi sebenarnya taklah sakit sangat, tapi kesakitan tengkuk tu membuatkan saya jadi malas nak bangun sehinggalah saya lihat jam dah pukul 9.30.
Mandi, pegi bank, jumpa mechanic, pegi bank dan akhirnya nak pegi ke Landmark Mall. Nak ambil laptop adik saya yang rosak tapi tidak boleh diperbaiki lagi. On the way ke sana, alamak jammed pulak. Bosan. Polis ada kat depan tahan semua kereta daripada masuk ke jalan besar sebab nampaknya macam ada perarakan.
"Bang, apsal takleh lalu bang, saya nak berak ni, tak tahan dah ni, tolong bang...", saya cuba mengacah abang polis itu.
"Aahh engkau, ada-ada aje. Berak la kat tepi jalan tu," jawab abang polis.
"Terima kasih bang" lalu saya keluar kereta dan berjalan ke arah bawah pokok sambil bukak seluar.
Ko percaya ke?
Ridiculous siot! Dah sah-sah aku membohong. Takkanla aku nak berak tepi jalan kot? Anyway, tak lama lepas tu, kereta2 semua dah macam nak merusuh melepasi sekatan jalan polis. Saya berada di depan sekali dengan ke-empat-empat tingkap saya terbuka luas. Takut kantoi cermin gelap.
Tiba-tiba polis2 start motor dan blah. Apa lagi saya pun memecut laju menaiki Landmark Mall. Sampai di atas, saya terus turun ke bawah untuk melihat perarakan tersebut. Dapatlah saya ambil gambar dengan handphone N73 saya itew.
Mamat berbaju biru :: Makcik ni nampak cun aaa.. Boleh berkenalan tak?
Makcik itu :: Hish geli la mamat ni.
Mamat Berbaju putih :: Jangan berebut-rebut. Jangan memotong garisan...
Mamat A (Berbaju merah kuning) :: Manala budak-budak naga ni. Apsal diorang ni asyik hilang aje. Taula aku pakai jersi selangor. Takkan takut kot???
Budak-budak bawak naga :: Lari-lari. Ada orang cari kita....
Mamat terkiri :: Panasnya. Menyesal join mende alah ni. Tido lagi bagus.
Mamat tengah :: Sayalah Polis Angkasa Gaban. Sila beri tunjuk ajar..
Mamat kanan :: Mesti aku hensem. Kalau tak takkan abang izham ambil gambar aku...!
Pakcik yang di depan tu kelihatan berjalan dengan sangat lajunya. Mungkin dia dah terkucil sedikit atau terkincit. Saya tidak sempat mengambil gambarnya dari belakang.
Minah kat kiri :: Sedang head banging mengikut rentak gendang
Minah kat tengah :: Definitely sakit perut. Possibilities ; period pain, nak kentut, nak kencing atau nak berak.
Mamat kat kanan :: Saya sedang menghensemkan diri, sila ambil gambar.
2 ekor singa di belakang :: Kami lapar!
Singa kiri :: Aku nampak buah oren
Singa kanan :: Aku nampak kamera. Eh kamera ke handphone eh? Ah lantak lah! Aku tak kira aku nak juga!
Singa itu sedang dalam perjalanannya memakan handphone saya. Sebab itulah penggambaran saya tamat di situ sahaja.
Sekian Terima Kasih.
Yang Benar,
BOB.
Mandi, pegi bank, jumpa mechanic, pegi bank dan akhirnya nak pegi ke Landmark Mall. Nak ambil laptop adik saya yang rosak tapi tidak boleh diperbaiki lagi. On the way ke sana, alamak jammed pulak. Bosan. Polis ada kat depan tahan semua kereta daripada masuk ke jalan besar sebab nampaknya macam ada perarakan.
"Bang, apsal takleh lalu bang, saya nak berak ni, tak tahan dah ni, tolong bang...", saya cuba mengacah abang polis itu.
"Aahh engkau, ada-ada aje. Berak la kat tepi jalan tu," jawab abang polis.
"Terima kasih bang" lalu saya keluar kereta dan berjalan ke arah bawah pokok sambil bukak seluar.
Ko percaya ke?
Ridiculous siot! Dah sah-sah aku membohong. Takkanla aku nak berak tepi jalan kot? Anyway, tak lama lepas tu, kereta2 semua dah macam nak merusuh melepasi sekatan jalan polis. Saya berada di depan sekali dengan ke-empat-empat tingkap saya terbuka luas. Takut kantoi cermin gelap.
Tiba-tiba polis2 start motor dan blah. Apa lagi saya pun memecut laju menaiki Landmark Mall. Sampai di atas, saya terus turun ke bawah untuk melihat perarakan tersebut. Dapatlah saya ambil gambar dengan handphone N73 saya itew.
Mamat berbaju biru :: Makcik ni nampak cun aaa.. Boleh berkenalan tak?
Makcik itu :: Hish geli la mamat ni.
Mamat Berbaju putih :: Jangan berebut-rebut. Jangan memotong garisan...
Mamat A (Berbaju merah kuning) :: Manala budak-budak naga ni. Apsal diorang ni asyik hilang aje. Taula aku pakai jersi selangor. Takkan takut kot???
Budak-budak bawak naga :: Lari-lari. Ada orang cari kita....
Mamat terkiri :: Panasnya. Menyesal join mende alah ni. Tido lagi bagus.
Mamat tengah :: Sayalah Polis Angkasa Gaban. Sila beri tunjuk ajar..
Mamat kanan :: Mesti aku hensem. Kalau tak takkan abang izham ambil gambar aku...!
Pakcik yang di depan tu kelihatan berjalan dengan sangat lajunya. Mungkin dia dah terkucil sedikit atau terkincit. Saya tidak sempat mengambil gambarnya dari belakang.
Minah kat kiri :: Sedang head banging mengikut rentak gendang
Minah kat tengah :: Definitely sakit perut. Possibilities ; period pain, nak kentut, nak kencing atau nak berak.
Mamat kat kanan :: Saya sedang menghensemkan diri, sila ambil gambar.
2 ekor singa di belakang :: Kami lapar!
Singa kiri :: Aku nampak buah oren
Singa kanan :: Aku nampak kamera. Eh kamera ke handphone eh? Ah lantak lah! Aku tak kira aku nak juga!
Singa itu sedang dalam perjalanannya memakan handphone saya. Sebab itulah penggambaran saya tamat di situ sahaja.
Sekian Terima Kasih.
Yang Benar,
BOB.
February 28, 2007
untitled document
In specific, memang takde apa yang nak ditulis selain nak merapu-rapi di samping cipan tercinta.
Eh mana pulak datang cipan ni. Oh yer, dia ganti babi kejap. Babi pegi berak. Nanti dia datang balik.
(baca dengan suara wazata zain)
Baiklah kawan-kawan. Hari ni kita bercerita about challenges in life. As for me, I'm fine with challenges. People face challenges everyday. I face challenges too, as without it, saya mungkin bosan nak mati.
(ok sudah, baca dengan suara sendiri)
Hari ini, termasuklah semalam, saya telah memulakan sesuatu setelah saya dicabar oleh seseorang..
"Kalau kau anak jantan, aku cabar kau jadi babi sekarang jugak"
Eh silap ni.. silap citer nih.. salah buku.. sorry..
"Jom diet. Kita bet, sape lagi berat, dia kena bla bla bla bla...."
The blablabla part is too explicit to share.
Cabaran Diet sambil Berpuasa Sambilan
Saya juga agak tebal sekarang ini. Saya suka ejek boyfriend adik saya tebal kerana dia memang sangat tebal. Kalau buku tu, adalah dalam 1600 mukasurat kertas 80gsm. Semasa di Penang juga, ketebalan saya terutamanya dia bahagian perut telah berjaya meraih takhta yang selama ini dipegang oleh adik ipar saya yang agak hitam itu.
Tapi takpe, kalau challenge tebal dengan adik dan adik ipar saya yang sedang mengandung itu, sure saya kalah dengan diorang.
Jadinya sekarang ini saya sedang diet untuk menurunkan berat badan especiallynya yang kat perut tu. Dah macam perut beruang. Ada ke masa lalu kat tepi hutan tu, beruang tu panggil saya dari jauh...
"Abang Loooooooooooong? Mak panggil. Dia tanya sape berak dalam sinki..!"
Teruk betul. Ada ke patut. Dah la ingat saya beruang pastu tuduh saya berak dalam sinki. Gile keji beruang tuh..
Patut ke? Patut ke? Muka saya ni ada muka orang berak dalam sinki ke? Kencing dalam sinki adala..
Dulu2 kan masa zaman2 sekolah, ada 2 ekor manusia beruang di sekolah. Sorang lelaki sorang perempuan. Yang lelaki tu nama dia Yasin. Panggil dia Mat Beruang je. Yang perempuan tu nama dia Haryati kot. Lupala.. Tapi nickname dia kita panggil dia Beruna.
Hehehe.. Maksudnya Beruang Betina..
Macam biasala. Ada orang kita gelar Mat Beruk, yang perempuan kita gelar Bena. Mat Mengkarung, yang perempuan kita panggil Mengkana. Senang je sifir dia. Yang jantan tambah Mat, yang betina tambah 'Na'.
Cuba try test tikus. Mat tikus dengan Tina. Hahahaha. Kelakar macam cipan. Babi pun dah tak best dah. Takpe dia masih berak.
Kita cuba Tenggiling plak. Mat tenggiling dengan Tenggina? Hahaha. Lagi cam tenuk kaler hijau. Kalau Mat Tenuk dengan Tena. Hmm.. x best langsung.
Kita cuba Monyet plak. Mat Monyet dengan err errr silap ke ni? Mona?
So Mona ni sebenarnya monyet betina la ni? Hahahaha. Nasib baik Mona Fandey dah kena hukum gantung. Kalau tak sure disumpahnya saya jadi Tengginyet; Tenggiling + Monyet.
Ngeri siot. Tak dapat bayangkan kalau saya makan semut. Yucks! Makan pisang okay la lagi..
Haaa.. dah tu, jangan nak memandai nak panggil Mat Cipan dengan Cina plak. Marah orang cina nanti. Jangan marah saya yer. Marah orang yang panggil itu. Sumbat mulut dia dengan tanah liat atau cd-rom.
Tapi kalau babi, dia lain sikit sebab dia haram. So dia special sikit, jadi untuk babi betina kena tukar jadi babina. Jadinya Mat Babi dengan aweknya Babina. Bunyik dia macam babyrina la plak. Taiko mesti suka. Begitu juga Lego.
Aiseh, dah lari topic ni.
My initial weight before the challenge is 73kg. With my height of 173cm, i think i'm just bloated with all the food my mom feed me everyday. Who to blame? My mom kah? Not fair? I can opt not to eat the food she cook, but as a good son, would you dare to do that?
Most of the time, I'm fat because of the love to my mom. If I'm away from her, everytime I got back home, she will cook, even though tak sedap, it will automatically become sedap as i'm hungry and those are things I would never easily find off home.
Itu belum love to the wife. Afdlin Shauki yang Maha Tebal pun pasti akan tewas dengan ketebalan saya kelak.
Other than that, I'm slowly picking up salsa. Actually, i've been looking forward for salsa classes for long-long time ago. Last Friday Night, I went to Havana Club and tried it out. It's not that hard but one good thing about it was, I was sweating like hell. Seluruh badan basah, lutut semuanya basah. Lubang buntut juga agak basah. Agak sukar juga mengawal diri dalam keadaan basah terutamanya bila berpeluang menari dengan amoi newbies yang comel, cun dan irresistable. Slurrrppp....
Nasib baik pada malam itu saya berniat baik dan mulia. At last, i bathed before going to bed, alone.
Now i'm trying my best to reduce my weight. Someone has really inspired me to do so. At least, i must get rid of this tummy.
Wismilak guys!
* wismilak adalah sejenis jenama rokok di Republik Indon.
Eh mana pulak datang cipan ni. Oh yer, dia ganti babi kejap. Babi pegi berak. Nanti dia datang balik.
(baca dengan suara wazata zain)
Baiklah kawan-kawan. Hari ni kita bercerita about challenges in life. As for me, I'm fine with challenges. People face challenges everyday. I face challenges too, as without it, saya mungkin bosan nak mati.
(ok sudah, baca dengan suara sendiri)
Hari ini, termasuklah semalam, saya telah memulakan sesuatu setelah saya dicabar oleh seseorang..
"Kalau kau anak jantan, aku cabar kau jadi babi sekarang jugak"
Eh silap ni.. silap citer nih.. salah buku.. sorry..
"Jom diet. Kita bet, sape lagi berat, dia kena bla bla bla bla...."
The blablabla part is too explicit to share.
Cabaran Diet sambil Berpuasa Sambilan
Saya juga agak tebal sekarang ini. Saya suka ejek boyfriend adik saya tebal kerana dia memang sangat tebal. Kalau buku tu, adalah dalam 1600 mukasurat kertas 80gsm. Semasa di Penang juga, ketebalan saya terutamanya dia bahagian perut telah berjaya meraih takhta yang selama ini dipegang oleh adik ipar saya yang agak hitam itu.
Tapi takpe, kalau challenge tebal dengan adik dan adik ipar saya yang sedang mengandung itu, sure saya kalah dengan diorang.
Jadinya sekarang ini saya sedang diet untuk menurunkan berat badan especiallynya yang kat perut tu. Dah macam perut beruang. Ada ke masa lalu kat tepi hutan tu, beruang tu panggil saya dari jauh...
"Abang Loooooooooooong? Mak panggil. Dia tanya sape berak dalam sinki..!"
Teruk betul. Ada ke patut. Dah la ingat saya beruang pastu tuduh saya berak dalam sinki. Gile keji beruang tuh..
Patut ke? Patut ke? Muka saya ni ada muka orang berak dalam sinki ke? Kencing dalam sinki adala..
Dulu2 kan masa zaman2 sekolah, ada 2 ekor manusia beruang di sekolah. Sorang lelaki sorang perempuan. Yang lelaki tu nama dia Yasin. Panggil dia Mat Beruang je. Yang perempuan tu nama dia Haryati kot. Lupala.. Tapi nickname dia kita panggil dia Beruna.
Hehehe.. Maksudnya Beruang Betina..
Macam biasala. Ada orang kita gelar Mat Beruk, yang perempuan kita gelar Bena. Mat Mengkarung, yang perempuan kita panggil Mengkana. Senang je sifir dia. Yang jantan tambah Mat, yang betina tambah 'Na'.
Cuba try test tikus. Mat tikus dengan Tina. Hahahaha. Kelakar macam cipan. Babi pun dah tak best dah. Takpe dia masih berak.
Kita cuba Tenggiling plak. Mat tenggiling dengan Tenggina? Hahaha. Lagi cam tenuk kaler hijau. Kalau Mat Tenuk dengan Tena. Hmm.. x best langsung.
Kita cuba Monyet plak. Mat Monyet dengan err errr silap ke ni? Mona?
So Mona ni sebenarnya monyet betina la ni? Hahahaha. Nasib baik Mona Fandey dah kena hukum gantung. Kalau tak sure disumpahnya saya jadi Tengginyet; Tenggiling + Monyet.
Ngeri siot. Tak dapat bayangkan kalau saya makan semut. Yucks! Makan pisang okay la lagi..
Haaa.. dah tu, jangan nak memandai nak panggil Mat Cipan dengan Cina plak. Marah orang cina nanti. Jangan marah saya yer. Marah orang yang panggil itu. Sumbat mulut dia dengan tanah liat atau cd-rom.
Tapi kalau babi, dia lain sikit sebab dia haram. So dia special sikit, jadi untuk babi betina kena tukar jadi babina. Jadinya Mat Babi dengan aweknya Babina. Bunyik dia macam babyrina la plak. Taiko mesti suka. Begitu juga Lego.
Aiseh, dah lari topic ni.
My initial weight before the challenge is 73kg. With my height of 173cm, i think i'm just bloated with all the food my mom feed me everyday. Who to blame? My mom kah? Not fair? I can opt not to eat the food she cook, but as a good son, would you dare to do that?
Most of the time, I'm fat because of the love to my mom. If I'm away from her, everytime I got back home, she will cook, even though tak sedap, it will automatically become sedap as i'm hungry and those are things I would never easily find off home.
Itu belum love to the wife. Afdlin Shauki yang Maha Tebal pun pasti akan tewas dengan ketebalan saya kelak.
Other than that, I'm slowly picking up salsa. Actually, i've been looking forward for salsa classes for long-long time ago. Last Friday Night, I went to Havana Club and tried it out. It's not that hard but one good thing about it was, I was sweating like hell. Seluruh badan basah, lutut semuanya basah. Lubang buntut juga agak basah. Agak sukar juga mengawal diri dalam keadaan basah terutamanya bila berpeluang menari dengan amoi newbies yang comel, cun dan irresistable. Slurrrppp....
Nasib baik pada malam itu saya berniat baik dan mulia. At last, i bathed before going to bed, alone.
Now i'm trying my best to reduce my weight. Someone has really inspired me to do so. At least, i must get rid of this tummy.
Wismilak guys!
* wismilak adalah sejenis jenama rokok di Republik Indon.
January 9, 2007
Kadang-kadang....
Classification :: Memories
Sometimes, teringat jugak bebenda bodoh yang menjadi bahan lawak dan ketawa di kampung, especially bila gather beramai2 dengan ahli-ahli keluarga yang lain seperti sepupu, dua pupu, nenek, makcik-makcik, pakcik-pakcik dan yang sebagai dengannya.
It's much worse when I gathered with my ex-school mates or my ex-college mates. A lot of stupid and funny things to remember, depending on how naughty you were. I would classify myself as a classic 'Mr. Guardian yang berlagak baik padahal setan pun takut nak sebut nama gua beb'.
Sama je. Kat rumah atau kat sekolah. I'm an angel when I'm within the older folks, teachers, makcik kantin, ustadz. Siap jadik Imam lagi. At that time, I don't know what was going on in my head. Aku suka jadi imam sebab aku boleh cepatkan sembahyang. Kalau Ustadz jadik imam means it's a hell 30 minutes of our time sitting in the surau for nothing. If I be the Imam, in the next 7 minutes, we can already go for dinner.
Tapi bila mak bapak takde, atau orang2 tua ni takde, akulah setan berekor kat depan yang ekornya tersorok kat dalam seluar. Yela, sape pulak nak keluarkan dari seluar except if you need to. Yelah, nak kencing ke, nak berak ke. Eh apa kaitan pulak dengan berak nih?
Takde kaitan. Saje je.
There was a lot of mouth-brought funny stories about solat. One of the classic was the Imam who managed to do the takbiratul-ihram only once instead, comparing to the actual Imam who got problem to get khusyu' and takbir for so many stupid times, but just after doing the takbiratul ihram, he turned back and say,
"Tengok aku buat. Sekali aje!"
Another classic was this one guy, Andy, who was just converted to Islam but didn't know how to do the solat, went into the mosque and get assistance from an Imam to guide him. As it's already the time to do the Asar Solat, the Imam asked him to just follow whatever The Imam is doing in the solat. And luckily, there's no one else there.
It went well in the first rakaat, but as it gets to the 2nd rakaat, Imam tu dah gelabah. Apa tak nya Lipas dah masuk dalam kain. Dia kibas-kibas kain, Andy pun kibas-kibas seluar. Imam libas kaki, andy pun libas kaki. Imam kibas-kibas baju, Andy pun start pelik. Apa punya sembahyang ni?
So imagine when the cockroach gets into his anus. Hahahahah!
But Andy stays a muslim if u wanna know.
Have u heard about this one stubborn very young boy with his father who likes to stare? Everytime the boy did a mistake, the father will stare so that the boy will do something to correct the mistake.
One day, they went to the mosque and to solat. You know, most of the people do the solat without wearing the underwear so sometimes, after they get up from Ruku' or Sujud, nanti kain tu terlipat masuk kat celah bontot.
So that was what actually happened. The boy who was praying beside the father noticed it and he thinks that the Imam must be very uncomfortable about it. So he stepped forward and slowly pulled the sarong from below.
As he stepped back, he looked at his father. The father was fiercely staring at him, like he was saying, "Oi, apa kau buat tu, Betulkan balik...!!!!!"
So budak tu pun tanpa berfikir panjang, dia pun pegi balik kat Imam tu dan masukkan kain tu balik dalam lubang bontot pak imam tu....
Apa jadik? Lu fikir sendiri la..
Sometimes, teringat jugak bebenda bodoh yang menjadi bahan lawak dan ketawa di kampung, especially bila gather beramai2 dengan ahli-ahli keluarga yang lain seperti sepupu, dua pupu, nenek, makcik-makcik, pakcik-pakcik dan yang sebagai dengannya.
It's much worse when I gathered with my ex-school mates or my ex-college mates. A lot of stupid and funny things to remember, depending on how naughty you were. I would classify myself as a classic 'Mr. Guardian yang berlagak baik padahal setan pun takut nak sebut nama gua beb'.
Sama je. Kat rumah atau kat sekolah. I'm an angel when I'm within the older folks, teachers, makcik kantin, ustadz. Siap jadik Imam lagi. At that time, I don't know what was going on in my head. Aku suka jadi imam sebab aku boleh cepatkan sembahyang. Kalau Ustadz jadik imam means it's a hell 30 minutes of our time sitting in the surau for nothing. If I be the Imam, in the next 7 minutes, we can already go for dinner.
Tapi bila mak bapak takde, atau orang2 tua ni takde, akulah setan berekor kat depan yang ekornya tersorok kat dalam seluar. Yela, sape pulak nak keluarkan dari seluar except if you need to. Yelah, nak kencing ke, nak berak ke. Eh apa kaitan pulak dengan berak nih?
Takde kaitan. Saje je.
There was a lot of mouth-brought funny stories about solat. One of the classic was the Imam who managed to do the takbiratul-ihram only once instead, comparing to the actual Imam who got problem to get khusyu' and takbir for so many stupid times, but just after doing the takbiratul ihram, he turned back and say,
"Tengok aku buat. Sekali aje!"
Another classic was this one guy, Andy, who was just converted to Islam but didn't know how to do the solat, went into the mosque and get assistance from an Imam to guide him. As it's already the time to do the Asar Solat, the Imam asked him to just follow whatever The Imam is doing in the solat. And luckily, there's no one else there.
It went well in the first rakaat, but as it gets to the 2nd rakaat, Imam tu dah gelabah. Apa tak nya Lipas dah masuk dalam kain. Dia kibas-kibas kain, Andy pun kibas-kibas seluar. Imam libas kaki, andy pun libas kaki. Imam kibas-kibas baju, Andy pun start pelik. Apa punya sembahyang ni?
So imagine when the cockroach gets into his anus. Hahahahah!
But Andy stays a muslim if u wanna know.
Have u heard about this one stubborn very young boy with his father who likes to stare? Everytime the boy did a mistake, the father will stare so that the boy will do something to correct the mistake.
One day, they went to the mosque and to solat. You know, most of the people do the solat without wearing the underwear so sometimes, after they get up from Ruku' or Sujud, nanti kain tu terlipat masuk kat celah bontot.
So that was what actually happened. The boy who was praying beside the father noticed it and he thinks that the Imam must be very uncomfortable about it. So he stepped forward and slowly pulled the sarong from below.
As he stepped back, he looked at his father. The father was fiercely staring at him, like he was saying, "Oi, apa kau buat tu, Betulkan balik...!!!!!"
So budak tu pun tanpa berfikir panjang, dia pun pegi balik kat Imam tu dan masukkan kain tu balik dalam lubang bontot pak imam tu....
Apa jadik? Lu fikir sendiri la..
April 2, 2006
On my journey of being the next rockstar...!
Guess what?
I've been so not free for the past few days after i saw the advertisement of the Rockstar the Series. As i was a loyal StarWorld channel fan, there were a few times that they aired the advertisement, which has asked whoever interested to join in the audition to visit their website, www.startv.com/rockstar. I visited the website, filled the forms up and get myself started to be the next rockstar.
The audition, which is gonna be held at the Berjaya Times Square on the 1st and 2nd April 2006 is going to pick the one and only represtative for ASIA.
Come again? ASIA?
Yes, it's for ASIA! The whole ASIA!
Through out the NET, the next rockstar search is to get a new singer for a new band formed by Motley Crew's ex drummer Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted, the former Metallica and an ex-guns, Gilby Clarke. I reckoned that it's gonna be a mixed up of punk rock, rock & roll and heavy metal.
Each rockstar wannabe is required to prepare at least 3 songs to be presented during the audition. In my mind, there are no other than Aerosmith's songs like Kiss Your Past Goodbye or Crazy, as both of it has the vocal range variants. Two former punk & rock & roll band members is enough to tell that someone with the voice of axl rose or steve tyler is probably someone they're looking for! I would say that it's really gonna be me dudes!
Other than those songs, i've also chosen the song To Be With You by Mr. Big, Back & Forth Again by the Slash's Snakepit and Live & Let Die, the G'n'F'R`s version. For lower range voice, I've chosen Sister by The Nixon, Freshman by The Verve Pipe and Broken by the Seether.
I'm really getting myself prepared for this audition. I keep telling myself that this is the big chance i've got to prove something, rather than just going to karaoke or singing in the bathroom, or in my car, like most of us do. My days and nights were all spent on my guitar and my voice singing. I slept and wake up early in the morning just to perfect myself on the vocal and the guitar.
Oh yeah, they asked to sing by acapella, a minus one track or someone playing an instrument for you but in my case, i'm gonna play the guitar all by myself.
As it's reaching 31st March, i practiced more and more. I even intentionally missed my gym sessions, locked myself in my room and jam all the way, day and night. Right at 10 o'clock that night, me and my whole family drove up to Seremban. My brother, Ikhwan was there to drive me to Kuala Lumpur (KL) the next morning. We made a move from Seremban at around 7.30 and reached Berjaya Times Square at 8.30.
When I reached there, it was quiet. Like nothing's gonna happen. No crowd like how people crowded the place when Malaysian Idol held their audition there for the past few years. This is just surprising!
What?
It's really surprising dudes! The audition is for the whole ASIA but i can't see anyone heading to the audition. I asked the security guard about the audition and he asked me to take the elevator lift to the 6th floor. Up there, I met up with a few guys, Jeff a Malay chap, Redzuan of Lost Souls, Sashi and Ravin, both from Penang.
More surprise, Jeff arrived there as early as 6.30 in the morning. Redzuan? He was there since 3.30 AM. So as Ravin and Sashi, they arrived at around 4 AM. That's crazy man. The reason was, just look at the past years auditions. There was a super long queue that would make u wait for the whole day for your turn! But, that's not happening today!
Well we chatted, we jammed, while waiting for the clock to point to 10 a.m. Slowly we see people coming over. More and more people but it was nothing like the Malaysian Idol's audition and remind you, this is ASIA's audition!
I could see a lot of Avril Lavigne wannabes, and most of the male were middle aged chaps like me. I was quite happy when Redzuan guessed my age was just 22 or 23. When I told them I'm 29 they were like jumping! "Hey man you looked so bloody f*cking young!"
Then it was 10 a.m and we get ourselved registered. My no was 008 and here we go. I just can't wait for my turn as the nervousness made me so scared to hell. I've heard from far that there were people who were stopped while singing. There was one candidate who were stopped when he was just started singing. I was so scared. That's ridiculous! I keep on practising till i didn't realize that there were cameras shooting at me playing my guitar and singing! Suddenly...
ZERO ZERO EIGHT!
My number was called and I stepped in. I was looking for judges, but there were no one there. Just 2 cameramen, an audio engineer and 3 helpers. I played Kiss Your Past Goodbye, but surprisingly they waited me to finish my song. They applauded so loud and shouted cheerly while asking me to play the next song. I decided to play Back and Forth Again by the Slash's Snakepit. They were kinda enjoying my show and they even asked me to play the next song. I decided to play To Be With You and they were so cheerful and one of them said loudly, congratulations! Please come for the call back tomorrow! There was me smiling waling out of the door while being interviewed by Paula Malai Ali for Channel [V] and someone by the StarWorld. I cannot say anything much as I was so blank!
2nd April.
Here I come. I went for the callback and met with the judges! I was the last one to be interviewed. Showtime! I again sang KIss Your Past Goodbye and loudly cheering up by saying,
You'll be representing ASIA for the ROCKSTAR THE SERIES program!
Gosh! It was a quiet moment for me. I felt so helpless that I didn't jumped up for joy because I was so surprised! I was so speechless.............
Someone like me?
Surprised?
I really think this would be a really good April Fool surprise for you guys!
Thanks for reading!
I've been so not free for the past few days after i saw the advertisement of the Rockstar the Series. As i was a loyal StarWorld channel fan, there were a few times that they aired the advertisement, which has asked whoever interested to join in the audition to visit their website, www.startv.com/rockstar. I visited the website, filled the forms up and get myself started to be the next rockstar.
The audition, which is gonna be held at the Berjaya Times Square on the 1st and 2nd April 2006 is going to pick the one and only represtative for ASIA.
Come again? ASIA?
Yes, it's for ASIA! The whole ASIA!
Through out the NET, the next rockstar search is to get a new singer for a new band formed by Motley Crew's ex drummer Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted, the former Metallica and an ex-guns, Gilby Clarke. I reckoned that it's gonna be a mixed up of punk rock, rock & roll and heavy metal.
Each rockstar wannabe is required to prepare at least 3 songs to be presented during the audition. In my mind, there are no other than Aerosmith's songs like Kiss Your Past Goodbye or Crazy, as both of it has the vocal range variants. Two former punk & rock & roll band members is enough to tell that someone with the voice of axl rose or steve tyler is probably someone they're looking for! I would say that it's really gonna be me dudes!
Other than those songs, i've also chosen the song To Be With You by Mr. Big, Back & Forth Again by the Slash's Snakepit and Live & Let Die, the G'n'F'R`s version. For lower range voice, I've chosen Sister by The Nixon, Freshman by The Verve Pipe and Broken by the Seether.
I'm really getting myself prepared for this audition. I keep telling myself that this is the big chance i've got to prove something, rather than just going to karaoke or singing in the bathroom, or in my car, like most of us do. My days and nights were all spent on my guitar and my voice singing. I slept and wake up early in the morning just to perfect myself on the vocal and the guitar.
Oh yeah, they asked to sing by acapella, a minus one track or someone playing an instrument for you but in my case, i'm gonna play the guitar all by myself.
As it's reaching 31st March, i practiced more and more. I even intentionally missed my gym sessions, locked myself in my room and jam all the way, day and night. Right at 10 o'clock that night, me and my whole family drove up to Seremban. My brother, Ikhwan was there to drive me to Kuala Lumpur (KL) the next morning. We made a move from Seremban at around 7.30 and reached Berjaya Times Square at 8.30.
When I reached there, it was quiet. Like nothing's gonna happen. No crowd like how people crowded the place when Malaysian Idol held their audition there for the past few years. This is just surprising!
What?
It's really surprising dudes! The audition is for the whole ASIA but i can't see anyone heading to the audition. I asked the security guard about the audition and he asked me to take the elevator lift to the 6th floor. Up there, I met up with a few guys, Jeff a Malay chap, Redzuan of Lost Souls, Sashi and Ravin, both from Penang.
More surprise, Jeff arrived there as early as 6.30 in the morning. Redzuan? He was there since 3.30 AM. So as Ravin and Sashi, they arrived at around 4 AM. That's crazy man. The reason was, just look at the past years auditions. There was a super long queue that would make u wait for the whole day for your turn! But, that's not happening today!
Well we chatted, we jammed, while waiting for the clock to point to 10 a.m. Slowly we see people coming over. More and more people but it was nothing like the Malaysian Idol's audition and remind you, this is ASIA's audition!
I could see a lot of Avril Lavigne wannabes, and most of the male were middle aged chaps like me. I was quite happy when Redzuan guessed my age was just 22 or 23. When I told them I'm 29 they were like jumping! "Hey man you looked so bloody f*cking young!"
Then it was 10 a.m and we get ourselved registered. My no was 008 and here we go. I just can't wait for my turn as the nervousness made me so scared to hell. I've heard from far that there were people who were stopped while singing. There was one candidate who were stopped when he was just started singing. I was so scared. That's ridiculous! I keep on practising till i didn't realize that there were cameras shooting at me playing my guitar and singing! Suddenly...
ZERO ZERO EIGHT!
My number was called and I stepped in. I was looking for judges, but there were no one there. Just 2 cameramen, an audio engineer and 3 helpers. I played Kiss Your Past Goodbye, but surprisingly they waited me to finish my song. They applauded so loud and shouted cheerly while asking me to play the next song. I decided to play Back and Forth Again by the Slash's Snakepit. They were kinda enjoying my show and they even asked me to play the next song. I decided to play To Be With You and they were so cheerful and one of them said loudly, congratulations! Please come for the call back tomorrow! There was me smiling waling out of the door while being interviewed by Paula Malai Ali for Channel [V] and someone by the StarWorld. I cannot say anything much as I was so blank!
2nd April.
Here I come. I went for the callback and met with the judges! I was the last one to be interviewed. Showtime! I again sang KIss Your Past Goodbye and loudly cheering up by saying,
You'll be representing ASIA for the ROCKSTAR THE SERIES program!
Gosh! It was a quiet moment for me. I felt so helpless that I didn't jumped up for joy because I was so surprised! I was so speechless.............
Someone like me?
Surprised?
I really think this would be a really good April Fool surprise for you guys!
Thanks for reading!
July 6, 2005
Farah's Birthday
I feel lazy to go to the office, so been lazy to do anything else as well..
Monday, July 4th 2004 was Farah's birthday. I bought her a Chocolate Blackforest cake from Jusco's bakery.
She is seven now.
But is it normal to have a feeling that she's not gonna be someone who can think like someone who is at her age. I'm not sure whether she's actually been thinking complicatedly over something, or maybe she get scared to get scolded for doing a mistake, she thought things differently.
I was once like that. I was always look at thing at make it such a big thing while it's supposed to be simple.
But I do believe it will only happen under pressure. I used to solve a simple science problem of a project group representing my school (and I was not the group member) in a competition.
As I was always a troublemaker, I freak the hell of out of them with my stupid tricks and words. They were mad and asked me to shut the hell up. As I came closer, I said sorry and asked them why everyone looked deeply stressed?
They were thinking of a solution of how to smoothen the surface of the table made of strips of newspaper.
I suggested a stupid idea but they jumped for joy!
They managed to represent the southern region in the national level. I was as usual folling around while they were achieving what they wanted.
And about my sister, i've no idea whether she is in depression or under pressure. She has not experiencing any the symptom. She is quite clever in school. I reckon she understand every single thing being taught and said by the teacher. She has no problem in understanding and executing instructions.
Last night, one funny thing happened. She had a 'Jawi' writing homework. There was a list of 6 acts/jobs. The instruction written was,
"Tulis 'baik' atau 'buruk'"
which means
"Write 'good' or 'bad'"
(tulis = write, baik = good, atau = or, buruk = bad)
into the acts/jobs stated. As the answers were baik, buruk, baik and at the item no 4 was also baik, she started to get confused with no reason. She cried by saying it's not suppoed to be like this.
The forth item was "mengajar" (teaching). She erased the word 'baik'. I wasn't watching her till my mom came and scolded her, and me as well.
"Along, y don't u watch what your sister is doing. U see, she wrote "tulis" (write) into the blank.
And as usual, I laugh like mad!
Monday, July 4th 2004 was Farah's birthday. I bought her a Chocolate Blackforest cake from Jusco's bakery.
She is seven now.
But is it normal to have a feeling that she's not gonna be someone who can think like someone who is at her age. I'm not sure whether she's actually been thinking complicatedly over something, or maybe she get scared to get scolded for doing a mistake, she thought things differently.
I was once like that. I was always look at thing at make it such a big thing while it's supposed to be simple.
But I do believe it will only happen under pressure. I used to solve a simple science problem of a project group representing my school (and I was not the group member) in a competition.
As I was always a troublemaker, I freak the hell of out of them with my stupid tricks and words. They were mad and asked me to shut the hell up. As I came closer, I said sorry and asked them why everyone looked deeply stressed?
They were thinking of a solution of how to smoothen the surface of the table made of strips of newspaper.
I suggested a stupid idea but they jumped for joy!
They managed to represent the southern region in the national level. I was as usual folling around while they were achieving what they wanted.
And about my sister, i've no idea whether she is in depression or under pressure. She has not experiencing any the symptom. She is quite clever in school. I reckon she understand every single thing being taught and said by the teacher. She has no problem in understanding and executing instructions.
Last night, one funny thing happened. She had a 'Jawi' writing homework. There was a list of 6 acts/jobs. The instruction written was,
"Tulis 'baik' atau 'buruk'"
which means
"Write 'good' or 'bad'"
(tulis = write, baik = good, atau = or, buruk = bad)
into the acts/jobs stated. As the answers were baik, buruk, baik and at the item no 4 was also baik, she started to get confused with no reason. She cried by saying it's not suppoed to be like this.
The forth item was "mengajar" (teaching). She erased the word 'baik'. I wasn't watching her till my mom came and scolded her, and me as well.
"Along, y don't u watch what your sister is doing. U see, she wrote "tulis" (write) into the blank.
And as usual, I laugh like mad!
April 1, 2005
Sad Story :: A friend of mine..
Today might be the saddest day of my life....
For the rest of my life, I would not forget this one good friend of mine which I had known for years.
When I was 10, I was schooling in Kuala Terengganu, I happen to get to know this one girl named Nurul Ain. She's a new girl in school as we entered the standard 4. Even though I was just ten, I started to feel the love rosing in my heart for this girl.
She's is the cutest ever girl I've seen (up to that time). Ever! I was thinking that she may not be even lookin' at me as she may obviously notice that herself is cute, and everyone was like really wanting to be close to her.
As usual, me as a hero in this short story, I sat near to her. You know, in the primary school, they normally group the students according to the exam result. So I was in the Group 1, together with 6 more pupils, Haniff, Fazilahwati, Fauziah, Nurul Ain and Farahiya. Cute names aren't they? It happens that it was always either me or Haniff to be getting the first in the class, then followed by the rest of the 4 girls; Fazilah Wati, Nurul Ain, Fauziah and Farahiya.
In front of me was Fazilah Wati. Other students, even the teachers were always like to matchmake me with Fazilah Wati, which always caused her to be shy with me, whenever we met. Ouch!
Well, my heart was always with Nurul Ain.
I tried to get close to her, as Haniff was doing it as well. It was threatening and sickening when Haniff was always spoiling my plan to talk to her in the class or even during the recess time.
The best time arrived, when I was playing during the recess, she called me amongst the crowd just to share her 'kuih', which I purposely asked from her. She's a very nice girl, she won't let anyone down so I know she'll be looking for me, even in the crowd.
Since then, we're always seen together, as Haniff won't think he had a chance anymore. Well, since then me and Haniff became a very good friend. I just don't know why. Males are just like that, ya know..
Then it was the end of the year. We had exams. On the day of the result announcements, the fourth was Nurul Ain, third was Fazilah Wati.
There were only my and Haniff's names that were not announced yet.
My teacher, Cikgu Aman announced,
"Second place... nobody....!"
That means me and Haniff shared the first place. I was so happy, so was Haniff, and spontaneously we hugged each other.
Anyway, even that was really a joy and happy moment, it was also a mourning moment for me. I jumped for joy but when I landed I started to cry..!
My family is going to be transferred to somewhere else. Cikgu Aman came to me and hugged me to console me. Only my teacher and Haniff know that I'm leaving.
Other friends came nearer and asked. Haniff explained to 'em that I'm going to leave the school. The happy moment had suddenly turned dull. Some other friends also hugged me and cried, but later, I heard people calling Ain for several times and when I looked up, she was not around.
I went out of the class. I saw Nurul Ain walked quickly downstairs. I chased her and called her but she didn't even stop for me.
As I came close to her, I stopped her and tell her,
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just want you to be happy. I don't want to let this thing to ruin your happiness and concentration in your studies."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I think I love you"
Then she ran away, hide herself in the toilet and never came to school the day afterwards. There were only a few days left for the school holiday. A few weeks later, my family shifted to another place.
Sine then, I've never heard about her, until today, when I saw the newspaper, she's dead in an accident.
It's her....! I still recognise her. Her face doesn't change that much! At my age of 28, with such a pretty face, which I still can recognise and she's still single!
I've contacted Fazilah Wati, and she told me everything about her. They've become good friends when I left. She was actually waiting for me, and she really hoped that one day, I would look for her and ask her to get married.
I'm so sad now. If and only if my father was not to be transferred.....
ps :: Sometimes, we're just not meant to be together. If and only if I know that she was taking my heart with her, I'm very sure that I'm at least a somebody now, married with kids. I don't even remember about her at all because THESE CRAPS ARE ALL MADE UP!
HAPPY APRIL FOOL!
(I feel like laughing to death. I'm so sorry! Just for once!)
For the rest of my life, I would not forget this one good friend of mine which I had known for years.
When I was 10, I was schooling in Kuala Terengganu, I happen to get to know this one girl named Nurul Ain. She's a new girl in school as we entered the standard 4. Even though I was just ten, I started to feel the love rosing in my heart for this girl.
She's is the cutest ever girl I've seen (up to that time). Ever! I was thinking that she may not be even lookin' at me as she may obviously notice that herself is cute, and everyone was like really wanting to be close to her.
As usual, me as a hero in this short story, I sat near to her. You know, in the primary school, they normally group the students according to the exam result. So I was in the Group 1, together with 6 more pupils, Haniff, Fazilahwati, Fauziah, Nurul Ain and Farahiya. Cute names aren't they? It happens that it was always either me or Haniff to be getting the first in the class, then followed by the rest of the 4 girls; Fazilah Wati, Nurul Ain, Fauziah and Farahiya.
In front of me was Fazilah Wati. Other students, even the teachers were always like to matchmake me with Fazilah Wati, which always caused her to be shy with me, whenever we met. Ouch!
Well, my heart was always with Nurul Ain.
I tried to get close to her, as Haniff was doing it as well. It was threatening and sickening when Haniff was always spoiling my plan to talk to her in the class or even during the recess time.
The best time arrived, when I was playing during the recess, she called me amongst the crowd just to share her 'kuih', which I purposely asked from her. She's a very nice girl, she won't let anyone down so I know she'll be looking for me, even in the crowd.
Since then, we're always seen together, as Haniff won't think he had a chance anymore. Well, since then me and Haniff became a very good friend. I just don't know why. Males are just like that, ya know..
Then it was the end of the year. We had exams. On the day of the result announcements, the fourth was Nurul Ain, third was Fazilah Wati.
There were only my and Haniff's names that were not announced yet.
My teacher, Cikgu Aman announced,
"Second place... nobody....!"
That means me and Haniff shared the first place. I was so happy, so was Haniff, and spontaneously we hugged each other.
Anyway, even that was really a joy and happy moment, it was also a mourning moment for me. I jumped for joy but when I landed I started to cry..!
My family is going to be transferred to somewhere else. Cikgu Aman came to me and hugged me to console me. Only my teacher and Haniff know that I'm leaving.
Other friends came nearer and asked. Haniff explained to 'em that I'm going to leave the school. The happy moment had suddenly turned dull. Some other friends also hugged me and cried, but later, I heard people calling Ain for several times and when I looked up, she was not around.
I went out of the class. I saw Nurul Ain walked quickly downstairs. I chased her and called her but she didn't even stop for me.
As I came close to her, I stopped her and tell her,
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just want you to be happy. I don't want to let this thing to ruin your happiness and concentration in your studies."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I think I love you"
Then she ran away, hide herself in the toilet and never came to school the day afterwards. There were only a few days left for the school holiday. A few weeks later, my family shifted to another place.
Sine then, I've never heard about her, until today, when I saw the newspaper, she's dead in an accident.
It's her....! I still recognise her. Her face doesn't change that much! At my age of 28, with such a pretty face, which I still can recognise and she's still single!
I've contacted Fazilah Wati, and she told me everything about her. They've become good friends when I left. She was actually waiting for me, and she really hoped that one day, I would look for her and ask her to get married.
I'm so sad now. If and only if my father was not to be transferred.....
ps :: Sometimes, we're just not meant to be together. If and only if I know that she was taking my heart with her, I'm very sure that I'm at least a somebody now, married with kids. I don't even remember about her at all because THESE CRAPS ARE ALL MADE UP!
HAPPY APRIL FOOL!
(I feel like laughing to death. I'm so sorry! Just for once!)
March 25, 2005
This is a real letter, i'm not making it up for fun, but it's a real letter being sent to my company regarding my request to buy some rubber wood from
This is a real letter, i'm not making it up for fun, but it's a real letter being sent to my company regarding my request to buy some rubber wood from them. Please read!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Company XXX Sdn. Bhd.
Address,
Address,
Address,
Date : XX/XX/XXXX
Attn to : XXXXX XXX XXX
RE: PERCHASE OF RUBBER WOOD LOGS
Thank you for your letter dated on the 23rd March 2005 regarding the above said matter. Kindly to infrom to our discusstion on the phone yesterday, we would like to inform you that our timber logs for rubber tree is grantee by (MTOB) Malaysian Timber Broad, that the timber is lasting for 2 weeks after the cut.
We here are supply timber logs wish is more then 40 years old and the daimeter is above then 10 incs, the rubber tree logs will be deliver in your sawmill as your request.
Conditions
1) Diameters : Above 10 incs
2) Length XXX footsrun
3) Price XXXX per metric tonn
PAYMENTS
Back to back basis after the delivers.
We sincerely looking for your anknowledged and acceptance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hardly understand 'em, as they're translated directly from Malay to English. So many, it's so time-wasting to mark them with colors!
Spelling? A lot of mis spelled words..
When i first reveiced the faxed letter, i was trying really hard to figure out what was the sender trying to say.
Then I felt funny that most of the grammatical errors are caused by effect of direct translation from Bahasa Melayu to English.
Later, I felt proud, even though the sender's English was not that appropriate, the sender tried his best to reply our letter, which was initially sent in English. Even though we could simply say, if not in English, why not in Malay?
That's true, but if people wanted to try something new for themselves, why not we persuade them. I used to have BIG PROBLEM with english too.
I failed my 1119 paper....!
Aight?
I should then reply, with a letter saying thank you. That is the most appropriate thing to be done.
* Promote English *
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Company XXX Sdn. Bhd.
Address,
Address,
Address,
Date : XX/XX/XXXX
Attn to : XXXXX XXX XXX
RE: PERCHASE OF RUBBER WOOD LOGS
Thank you for your letter dated on the 23rd March 2005 regarding the above said matter. Kindly to infrom to our discusstion on the phone yesterday, we would like to inform you that our timber logs for rubber tree is grantee by (MTOB) Malaysian Timber Broad, that the timber is lasting for 2 weeks after the cut.
We here are supply timber logs wish is more then 40 years old and the daimeter is above then 10 incs, the rubber tree logs will be deliver in your sawmill as your request.
Conditions
1) Diameters : Above 10 incs
2) Length XXX footsrun
3) Price XXXX per metric tonn
PAYMENTS
Back to back basis after the delivers.
We sincerely looking for your anknowledged and acceptance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hardly understand 'em, as they're translated directly from Malay to English. So many, it's so time-wasting to mark them with colors!
Spelling? A lot of mis spelled words..
When i first reveiced the faxed letter, i was trying really hard to figure out what was the sender trying to say.
Then I felt funny that most of the grammatical errors are caused by effect of direct translation from Bahasa Melayu to English.
Later, I felt proud, even though the sender's English was not that appropriate, the sender tried his best to reply our letter, which was initially sent in English. Even though we could simply say, if not in English, why not in Malay?
That's true, but if people wanted to try something new for themselves, why not we persuade them. I used to have BIG PROBLEM with english too.
I failed my 1119 paper....!
Aight?
I should then reply, with a letter saying thank you. That is the most appropriate thing to be done.
* Promote English *
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